If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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