so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize