That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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