I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
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