Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
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we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
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She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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