I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
