The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The best revenge is premature balding
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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