my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
