I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
