I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
