Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
