me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
