last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
