Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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