theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize