who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize