is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
