plz talk dirty to me
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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