They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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