I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we made out on top of his cat.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
why do cheetos always look like penises
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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