he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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