what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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