Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
