So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
