What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
