carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
