im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
