I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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