I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
