Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
