I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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