It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
