I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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