I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
