I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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