my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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