I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
