i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
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Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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