Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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