True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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