Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
