I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
