you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
