It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
