Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
