i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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