3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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