Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
