i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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