do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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