Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
