Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
