So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
