There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
