when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
NoShamevember. You game?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
