Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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