No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
