dude i'm inner monologue high
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
