I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
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I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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